What do you miss most about yourself?

I’ve found myself daydreaming a lot about how I used to be so fearless. Like there was literally no goal I couldn’t do. I was speaking life in every direction. My faith was unwavering; I just knew everything was going to be okay. There was no doubt in my soul that nothing was not going to work out; but life hit me as I got older, and a lot of my insecurities started to really pour into my heart. Decisions started drifting my mind to areas it should have never been. I was floating on an inflated lifeboat, with holes in every piece of fabric that created that boat.  I miss believing in me. I miss praying boldly and truly believing.

I remember when I use to day dream about love, romance; waiting for a true fairytale to happen, believing so easily and so enthusiastically that love was going to find me; but then the wrong choices led me down a cycle of what seemed like endless hope, a cycle of a hopeless romantic, a cycle that carried the fear of everything being to good to be true and waiting patiently with fear in my heart for someone, everyone to walk away. I closed doors and then opened doors. I opened doors that never should have been opened and I reopened doors that should have remained closed. I miss being able to love without the fear of someone walking away.

Everything now is a second guess.  Looking through an invisible window that I have placed in my mind. I miss not being afraid to live. To simply just live.