Am I a Positive Person? - Journal with Me.

 “Why are you so negative”?  

My mind instantly went into shock.  I couldn’t believe someone; anyone would fix their lips together to say such a thing to me.

I was known to be the positive one, the bubbly, rainbow and sunshine all the time type of person; on the outside; and somehow my mask of deep-rooted negativity came to the surface. In that moment I would attempt to pretend as if I didn’t quite understand what was being asked of me, as if I didn’t already know the questions, the thoughts that swirled around in my head.

In that moment I had indeed become a negative Nancy, and there was no more hiding it from the outside world. That’s not something I was proud of, not something I would want to be seen as and honestly, I didn’t really have an answer to give.

I mean I could give a long summary of everything that has happened, how it seemed like the world was against me; how fighting was no longer apart of my vocabulary; that just continuing on my marathon race of running was easier than sitting still and resting in God.

I could give a recount of how I just felt so alone, and again misunderstood. That everyone around me was flourishing, no blooming beautifully and how I felt like a weed stuck in the mud. A flower that somehow missed its growth spurt. But instead, I simply said I don’t know, I guess I didn’t realize how negative I had been.

I tucked away my emotions, tucked away the spillage that accidentally poured out, put on my mask of positive roots and pretended.

Yes, I pretended like everything once again was okay.